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How to ask someone to mentor you

Mentors can be one of the fastest ways to get from where you are to where you want to be in your career.

Mentors can help you identify and build up your strengths, recognize your weaknesses, navigate office politics, figure out career questions and generally enable you to bring out your best.

Who’s good mentor material

Asking someone to mentor you can feel a bit awkward, so before you pop the question, it helps to first look for indications that someone might be open to stepping into a mentorship role with you.

  • Has this person shown an interest in you and your career?
  • Have you had discussions about work-related questions that resulted in useful action items for you?
  • Has he or she shared professional knowledge in a caring and supportive way?
  • Has your potential mentor been willing to patiently spend time with you to help you grow your skills when asked?
  • Does this person have the right knowledge and experience to address your specific needs and issues?

If so, then you’ve probably identified someone who’s great mentor material. Your goal should be to build on those existing positive interactions to create a more structured learning relationship. And that starts with you first thinking through exactly what goals you have for the relationship, how to structure your work together, and what specifically you’re going to ask your mentor to do.

Identifying your goals and relationship

Do you want coaching on your communication style? Guidance on a potential promotion opportunity? Advice about what next career steps might be best for you? Help developing your leadership skills? You want to be clear about the reason for your mentoring request, so your potential mentor will have an idea of how to help.

As for structuring your time together, are you hoping to meet for coffee and discussion once a week, once a month, some other schedule? Needless to say, this will depend on the availability of your mentor, but it’s good to provide a sense of what you’re thinking.

And are you looking for general guidance on your key issues, recommendations for reading and/or resources, professional connections, suggested actions to undertake or some other type of coaching?

Once you’ve thought through these issues, you’re ready to ask someone to mentor you. Here’s how to do that:

Schedule an initial conversation

Ask your potential mentor if he or she can make time for a 15-30 minute chat with you. You don’t want to be rushed, and you want plenty of time for the other person to ask you questions about your goals, etc.

Clearly describe the guidance you’re seeking

This is where that preliminary brainstorming on your part will help you articulate just what you have in mind.

Confirm your willingness to do the necessary work and follow-through.

There’s nothing more frustrating than mentoring someone who doesn’t do the work necessary to take advantage of advice, so you want to make it clear to your potential mentor that you’re ready to commit the time, energy and effort to make the most of their advice and time.

Acknowledge and respect the individual’s time

Most people who are asked to become mentors are highly successful in their careers, which means they’re also very busy and much in demand. So it’s important for you to acknowledge that reality, and make it clear how much you appreciate their considering your request. This is also the way to provide a graceful “out,” letting the other person cite an overbooked schedule for declining your request.

How does this look in action? Something like this:

Susan, I’ve very much enjoyed and learned from the conversations we’ve had in the past, and I’d like to ask a favor of you. I’m at the point in my own career where I feel I need some mentoring to more effectively develop my management skills so that I can possibly move into a directorship role.

I was hoping that we might meet for coffee every two weeks regarding areas I should address. I would put together a meeting agenda, take notes, complete your recommended action items and report back on my progress.

I understand if your schedule does not allow for this type of commitment and if that’s the case, thank you for considering this request and I look forward to our next conversation!

With this request, you’ve made it clear that you’ve done the important preliminary work of identifying goals, suggesting a structure, and committing to follow through on your discussions. This will let your potential mentor have confidence that you’ll be making the most of the investment he or she is making in your career success.